Be Careful What You Wish For...

I love the Alice Hoffman quote: "Be careful what you wish for. I know that for a fact. Wishes are brutal, unforgiving things. They burn your tongue the moment they're spoken and you can never take them back."

The Dalai Lama says: "Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." and Mother Teresa said: "More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones."

Many people are uncertain what this means, so I will include a story recently told to me. When I heard it, I thought it perfectly fit the quote "Be careful what you wish for."

Margie, the sister of my friend, fell madly in love with a friend's boyfriend. She just had to have him, so she betrayed her friend and went after him with a vengeance, winning his heart, but losing her friend. They married and had three children. Margie did everything she could think of to keep this man happy, including working two jobs so he could pursue his education and an ever-elusive career. She provided everything for her family: a big house, late model cars and every new gadget they absolutely "had to have." She worked hard while her husband and children did everything together. She was the breadwinner, he was the "fun" parent.

One day, her husband told her that he had fallen out of love with her, that she was boring and she never had any time for the family and he wanted a divorce. He then hit her with the bombshell: the kids felt the same way and wanted to live with him, so he wanted the house and she would have to continue to provide for them.

Devastated, Margie went to one of her bosses who, fortunately, was also a wise friend. Margie "quit" both her jobs due to mental distress, sought counseling, and retained an attorney to protect her assets. Margie moved out of the house, but she also hired movers to quickly put everything in storage. When her husband and kids came home, they found an empty house. Upset, they demanded their things: clothes, computers, videos, games and so much more. Margie explained that she paid for everything, and had all the receipts to prove it. (In court, the judge ordered her to return their clothes and personal possessions, but since she was now out of work and in mental counseling, they had to sell the house and cars, since neither could afford to make the payments.)

When the kids realized that they had to live with their chronically out-of-work dad, who could not afford to provide even their basic needs, they tried to return with Margie, but she had moved into a one bedroom apartment and could not take them. As much as it hurt her, she let them suffer with their father for about a year, until he remarried. His second wife put him to work while she stays home. She rarely lets him see his kids, but forces him to provide for hers. He has repeatedly apologized to Margie, and even asked if he had a chance to get back with her, to which she told him he did, when hell freezes over.

Margie "returned" to work, rented a house and allowed the kids to return, with conditions. No more free handouts. Any thing they want has to be earned with good grades and good behavior.

I think they all learned a valuable lesson: Margie learned that not everything that seems desirable is worth pursuing. Her husband learned that you don't bite the hand that feeds you, and the kids learned that while you love both parents, you should be more loyal to the one who consistently provides for all your needs.