Above All Things, Love

by Mary J. Lineberry

As parents, we are both humbled and honored by the enormous impact we have on our children, how we influence them and help mold them. Babies don't immediately know the meaning of love; they need us and instinctively know that we belong to them, and develop trust in us because as their caregivers we satisfy their needs. Eventually, because attachment and emotion comes into play, they become aware that they love us. We know it by the spontaneous, unabashed and generous displays of affection they freely bestow on us. Big, sloppy wet kisses are better than gold or diamonds because they symbolize a bond unlike any other. This also is a learned demonstration of emotion - they learned it from us. They learned that hugs and kisses feel warm and comforting, and giving them feels equally so. Children copy us.

Our little children are so amazing and wondrous, yet so sweetly innocent, that they fill our hearts with such a joyous pride that cannot be compared to that of any other achievement. Unquestionably, parenthood is a privilege and a blessing.

There is no relationship like that of a parent and a child. We may love our mate with intensity, but in a world where one out of every two marriages/relationships fail, even the best relationship can come to a sorrowful and painful end.

However, our children will always be our children. Even when problems arise between us, we never stop loving them. Likewise, no matter what happens to a relationship between a child and his parents, they are forever connected to us because without us they simply would not exist. Without us they would have no history, no past, and no memories. Their future is a testament to their lives with us, because, without a doubt, just as their looks and traits were inherited, their personalities were influenced by us.  With the exception of the severely abused child, time has a way of healing the wounds of disagreements or separations.  Time has a way of muting the harsh lines of discontent.

Children grow up and leave our lives. We know that is the way things are supposed to be, but we feel lost without them, we never stop missing them. They move on with their lives, sometimes too busy to remember we are still here, and it hurts. We grow old, we feel hopeless, useless and unwanted and then old age becomes a treacherous enemy, turning us into frail, sick and helpless “old people.”  As, inevitably, we become a burden, we can only hope that our children still love us, still appreciate and care enough to make good decisions about our care as we fade into that final goodbye.

Once we are gone, our children themselves will grow old and face the same battles we did. But, just as when we were aging and our thoughts were more of our yesterday than our today, they too will remember us with sadness. Growing old and knowing that your life was “but as a fleeting moment,” your heart begins to reminisce; you remember your parents and you begin to miss them dearly, and you become filled with regrets. You should have loved them more, you shouldn’t have been so quick to judge or condemn them, you should have helped them more -- should have, shouldn’t have, but it's too late, and it makes you immensely sad.

Parents, love your children with all your might while they are little because when they are grown they may not want your attention and advice as much as you want to give it. They may also resent you for things you did, even if you had good intentions. Your way of thinking and doing things may be totally opposite to theirs. Don't do things you may regret later.

Children, love your parents with all your might while you have them, because while today you may hate them and even wish them gone and out of your life, you will outgrow those immature, adolescent feelings and will someday realize your parents truly and tenderly loved you and cared about you more than anyone else. Whether they were in a position to give it or not, they wanted all the best for you.  You will be astounded how much you will miss them when they are gone, and you will remember how you resented them and every little thing you ever said to hurt them. So, don't do or say things that you will regret later, because when they are gone you will miss them and there is no chance to make up for your mistakes, no chance to say you're sorry.

Make your decisions carefully. Do not allow yourself to be influenced or manipulated by anyone or anything. It’s easy to let fear, emotions and desires blind you into doing or saying the wrong thing/s.

Remember that life doesn’t stay the same, it moves forward and nothing is guaranteed. If you make a decision today, make sure it is the right one for tomorrow because you cannot return to the past to change it.

Life is like a circle. How you love your children is the same as how your parents love you. Don’t be disdainful or foolish and hurtful with your treatment of your parents because someday you may face the same treatment from your own children.

It isn’t easy being a parent, especially once your children grow. There are things you can do right. Listen to them, talk to them, have their best interests at heart and be there for them whether you agree with them or not. If you see them on a wrong path, tell them so, even if they hate you for it. Don’t compromise your moral standards for them, but let them know that you will always be there for them. Time has a way of dealing with wrongs.

Above all things, love them and let them know that you will always love them.