Illusion

Recently, a friend and I were comparing our marriages and love lives and we realized that all of our relationships began with an illusion.

Granted, we all put our “best foot forward” when we meet someone. The guys act noble and brave, treat us with respect and appreciation. They put us up on a pedestal and make us feel like there is no other woman alive in the world. We, women, act modest and chaste, but just ever so shyly (or slyly) flirtatious, after all, we know what the attraction for the men really is. In effect, we are creating an illusion. The crazy thing is that we both fall for it!

I blame it on the Fairy Tale syndrome, also known as the Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome, or the Prince Charming Syndrome. As children we read and watch movies where the beautiful Princess is rescued by the brave Knight or handsome Prince, and of course, they “live happily ever after.” Or modern versions of that, anyway.

That is not reality. In real life, falling in love is compared to being on drugs. Scientists have proven that the same brain “reward” center for that crazy little thing called love is the same brain “reward” center for drug addiction. Love makes us crazy, it blinds us to reality. It feels so good. That is why it is so hard to break up or end a relationship, it is the same as withdrawal. And both are just as bad.

I have experienced that “withdrawal.” I was obsessed with my first husband. He was so Prince Charming. He would sing to me, give me wonderful massages, write poetry for me, give me cards, flowers, and gifts for special occasions and just whenever. He never stopped telling me how grateful he was to have ME, how special I was, blah, blah, blah. The one thing he neglected to do was to tell me was about his girlfriend/s!

Even after our divorce, after he moved in with his girlfriend, he still came around to see me (“to see the boys” but forgot they were in school?), telling me all the special things I loved to hear. Even as angry as I was at him, that man was so charming that I felt addicted to him. Even knowing he was no good for me, I couldn't let go. I loved the good feeling I got from being with him. And that's how both his girlfriend and I ended up having babies months apart!

It's all an illustion – we fool ourselves. Things always look good in the beginning. Well-groomed and clean later becomes slob. Exciting later becomes boring, honest later becomes liar, faithful later becomes cheater. Maybe not all of those things, but enough to make a dent in the grand illusion. But even so, we tell ourselves that it's all still good.

There should be a button on all people so that when you first meet and before your eyes fill with stars, you reach out and press the button on Prince Charming and a light goes on that says “Full of it!” or something to that effect. Man, the trouble and heartache it would save us!
Oh, well, until someone invents a way to detect a load of bull, men and women will continue creating an illusion in order to trap, I mean, impress each other. We can only hope we have enough sense to pick a true Prince Charming (or a true Cinderella).